I wont always be here but if your looking for me to chat heres one more place to try:

http://www.meebo.com/user/dezertblu/room/

This is the brief version of the continuing story of this thing I call my life.

We have had to up root and move to Westgate to help mother Young sort through and get her house empty of 30 yrs of hoarding, trying to whittle her worldly possetions down to 22 boxes and some furniture, though that's not looking promising as it's a 21 room house each room could easily fill 5 or so boxes.These are very large boxes by the way. Hubbys attempting to salvage the lost lands they call the garden/Yard years of neglect and feeding wildlife such as rabbits has reduced what used to be a putting green lawn into a rutted mess of weeds.We only have months to accomplish this feat or else all could be lost as the economy and housing markets down the tubes....Mom and Dad young should of sold up and downsized about 20 years ago.Our dogs do thier best to be good but when stuck in a room due to a manic terrier who would like to eat them being around..they do get in a bit of mischief. I have had to be rid of my fish, so all aquariums are now drained and strained of fish, though I have found one staple sized baby which came with me until grown enough to get to the fish store and not become food to other fish.JoJo parrot now lives in Weardale too. My jobs gone, I suspect hubby's jobs gone..and we pretty much are at the mercy of the gods as Mother Young just isn't capable of doing any of this herself.I have to go for now, sending my love to all, will try to stop in again soon with any updates..but my times limited for now.

Just a quick post to share some really amazing robotics...including Big Dog , used by the militairy.

Just follow this link and see these great creatures in action!

                 http://www.bostondynamics.com/content/sec.php?section=robotics

Due to the vast number of people I get from around the net at my blog I am not able to use the friends list only method or bravenet account only method to reduce spam, so now I have no option but to preview all comments before they post.Sorry folks but the spam has been mounting up again.

My journal is free for Anyone members and non members to post comments on, I chose this on purpose for my non Bravenet contacts to be able to write to me.Spammers are taking advantage of this tho.So now I will have to pre approve your comment and this way I can cut the spam out first.

I almost feel like I am going through slight dejavu with this post, 15 years ago I was posting into my hand written journal similar type things, as my sister was killed in march of 1993.Having said that I will now continue. The funeral was a big blur, that though a lovely service, wasn't as personal to dad as i would of liked . Too many things kept swaying back to things and issues which had no place being a concern durring a week or day of mourning. I got a bit fed up with certain family pettiness and had to find my way back home, using the dogs as my escape to the sanctuary of home. Poor hubby has had to stay though and he and mother are doing well considering the situation. I am due back to work tomorrow, though to be honest the depression which is seeping into me states very clearly works the last thing on my mind.Ive lost my father Gary, and Ive now lost Dad Young.....it's an anniversary for my sister's death and simply stated I can't be bothered with much right now.I stay strong for mom and hubby, and i will go in to work on thier behalf.....but other than that what more can really be said. It's Easter sunday and it feels like any other day....for some reason the sun thought it was a good idea to make an appearance, though I personally have no need of the sun right now. Dad Young was who I would call in situations like I am in right now..alone with no one here...he was my pal at the other end of the line. I would type to him online or call him up..we would talk complete crap or even serious things....we learned how to use our mobiles together by sending texts and picture texts, video clips and more, simply to see how to use them.Dad Young would hop online at any given moment for me to check my work on a web page I had made, or even come here to check out my latest entry...and steal pictures of the pets..the dogs esspecially.Though he had a fondness for all the pets his special guy was Teddy, if a dog could choose it's master, Teddy woulda chose dad Young. I have made a lovely memorial site in tribute to dad Young, and so far it's quite nice I think....more pics are due in from various family arroun the globe.I leave you now with a lovely picture of Dad Young and teddy.

http://dadyoungmemorial.bravehost.com/index.html

Well tears have been cried and memories reflected upon....and yesterday dad Young was put to rest at 2pm Durham Crematorium. I will now go back to March 10th and work my way forward.

March 10,

I worked on this day so was unable to go visit dad young in hospital, but my husband went with my mother in law.When I got home from work I called his hospital phone and we had a very good chat.

March 11th

I worked this day as well, once again hubby went , but my mother in law stayed behind this time...I'm not sure why but she did.Hubby stayed gone for a very long time as they moved him from Bishop hospital to Weardale community hopital. This new hospital is for respite care only as they have no oxygen, IV drips or other things you would probably find in a traditional hospital. When my husband returned home he went into our bed and began crying as hard and as passionately as ever before.I was very concerned as I have NEVER seen my husband cry to such a degree.When he had himself composed enough to speak he explained the Dr. had said for us to tell anyone important to Dad to go visit him now.I asked how did dad seem..he told me the 30 mile trip on winding country roads in an ambulance had totally creased dad and he was looking quite poorly.This of course concerned me but dad had been in such a state after every one of his trips from weardale to Bishop, had a few days down time and then bounced back.

March 12th

I was off work this day, so we all set off to see dad in hospital, we didn't set off as early as I would of liked, and we didn't arrive until early evening 5to 6pm or so.Dad deffinately looked in quite a state. He was writhing in pain as if trying to get away from himself....he hoisted his arm over the rails and attempted to rearrange himself to possibly add some comfort.I touched his had and it was fire...I felt the rest of him and he was soaked wet with sweat....I went into the hall to get the nurse, and explained he wanted his pain med and also seemed to be running a fever of some sort.She came to the room a few minuites later and gave him his moraphine 60mil, and took his temp digitally under his armpit. She said he wasnt running a fever and it must be the chemo reaction making him feel so hot to me. I had never been in such close contact with a chemo patient who felt so hot, but thought maybe English Chemo is a different type than I was used to.We stayed a bit more, I rearranged him in bed, where he then seemed to settle form his pain.He was sweating so much, yet no replacement fluids were going back into him....so we got him some cold water, which he struggled to drink though a straw. The conversation with him was little and very hard to get in as he was talking so softly. I asked him what we could get for him and bring back, he said clearly "Orange juice"....so we all set off to get him his orange juice, check on the Vicarage, and then return to him.

We returned about 8pm or so, upon entering his room it was obvious he had had a lovely nap in our absence, which we felt was the best thing for him.He had not eaten anything though and we couldn't put our hands on Orange juice up there in the dales, none was to be found at the Vicarage as we had wanted.When I looked into his eyes all i saw was a very wearly beaten down man, and knew straight away what it would be he wanted...dad young had always wanted to keep his mind busy in hospital, here in this room, no T.V. no radio and nothing to keep his mind awake.....so I had hubby go to the car and get the music player we had picked up for Mom to have, set it next to Dad and by fate his classical CD was already in the player.The music was The Ride of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner, Hubby commented "Look Dad Your Flying through the Cloudes", which gave me a shudder....I didn't want Dad flying through the cloudes, i wanted him here with us, and firmely grounded to earth. I leant over and asked him what it was he wanted, so I could bring it to him tomorrow, his reply was very simple "I want Not To Die" " I want to get to France with you and Mam" Nervous by what he had said, I laughed it off rubbing his arm and said "you silly guy that's not what i meant, what do you need brought to you", which got no reply he had once more drifted off. He kept drifting in and out durring our whole visit, Mom Young gave him some water and then dad Young looked at her , his classical music playing in the back drop..."You Look Lovely" , he stated to her....she had just had her hair done and bought a new outfit, I know it seems odd, but something had told me she needed to dress up and look smart for him.Mom Young had always been a very top class gal, always a very Grace Kelly type aura about her.In the past few years she had seemed to give up on herself and let herself go a bit, cloths and all. So I took her to get her Make over, and she was radient that night by dad's bedside. Hubby never really said to much this night, little bits in response to things said by me was about it.I took my turn up at his head and began reading from a learn french book, I speak no french so thought I could give a dad a good chuckle before we went.He never responded to me or even looked, his eyes were as if trying to focus on something they saw but couldn't believe was there.I got uncomfortable by this look...and suggested we should go and let him rest, as by now it was 9:30 to 10pm. We got home about 11:30 or so, and went to bed by 12 midnight. 3:30 am I was woke to the phone ringing, by now hubby had driven hundreds of miles and was completely exhausted and to the point without sleep he would endanger himself if he drove.I was met by the nurses voice on the phone, it scared me to death to hear her, being in the field I am in I KNOW they don't just call you at 3:30 unless it's urgent.She stated she was simply calling to let me know ahead of time they were moving Dad back to Bishop as he had a temp and his Chest infection seemed to be back.It was her way of saying get to Bishop. I hung up the phone and relayed her info to a severly sleep deprived and beat hubby, who asked me what i thought....I told him I don't know and stated the fact to him they wouldnt just call at this hour over nothing.By this time the phone rang a second time about 4am, It was the same nurse stating the ambulance had set off and she only prayed she had sent dad away in time.I thanked her for the heads up and explained we were discussing going as my husband was honestly a danger behind the wheel at this point. We called all the siblings and explained what was going on. I kept calling Bishop to try and get any news at all, time began to mingle phone calls to and fro between us and the sister and the hospital, always getting similar news that he was serious not critical, that it would wait until hubby had napped , that dad was a very sick man but wasn't dying.Finally at just before 6am Hubby answered the phone for the very first time and he was told his father had Peripheral Cyanosis, I knew the moment I heard that there was no chance and also we could never get to him in time for good byes. i played like I didn't know the meaning of this word, so went online to learn what it meant, by the time i found anything worth reading the hospital had called and told us Dad was gone. 17 mins after arriving at Bishop he died.