Well tears have been cried and memories reflected upon....and yesterday dad Young was put to rest at 2pm Durham Crematorium. I will now go back to March 10th and work my way forward.

March 10,

I worked on this day so was unable to go visit dad young in hospital, but my husband went with my mother in law.When I got home from work I called his hospital phone and we had a very good chat.

March 11th

I worked this day as well, once again hubby went , but my mother in law stayed behind this time...I'm not sure why but she did.Hubby stayed gone for a very long time as they moved him from Bishop hospital to Weardale community hopital. This new hospital is for respite care only as they have no oxygen, IV drips or other things you would probably find in a traditional hospital. When my husband returned home he went into our bed and began crying as hard and as passionately as ever before.I was very concerned as I have NEVER seen my husband cry to such a degree.When he had himself composed enough to speak he explained the Dr. had said for us to tell anyone important to Dad to go visit him now.I asked how did dad seem..he told me the 30 mile trip on winding country roads in an ambulance had totally creased dad and he was looking quite poorly.This of course concerned me but dad had been in such a state after every one of his trips from weardale to Bishop, had a few days down time and then bounced back.

March 12th

I was off work this day, so we all set off to see dad in hospital, we didn't set off as early as I would of liked, and we didn't arrive until early evening 5to 6pm or so.Dad deffinately looked in quite a state. He was writhing in pain as if trying to get away from himself....he hoisted his arm over the rails and attempted to rearrange himself to possibly add some comfort.I touched his had and it was fire...I felt the rest of him and he was soaked wet with sweat....I went into the hall to get the nurse, and explained he wanted his pain med and also seemed to be running a fever of some sort.She came to the room a few minuites later and gave him his moraphine 60mil, and took his temp digitally under his armpit. She said he wasnt running a fever and it must be the chemo reaction making him feel so hot to me. I had never been in such close contact with a chemo patient who felt so hot, but thought maybe English Chemo is a different type than I was used to.We stayed a bit more, I rearranged him in bed, where he then seemed to settle form his pain.He was sweating so much, yet no replacement fluids were going back into him....so we got him some cold water, which he struggled to drink though a straw. The conversation with him was little and very hard to get in as he was talking so softly. I asked him what we could get for him and bring back, he said clearly "Orange juice"....so we all set off to get him his orange juice, check on the Vicarage, and then return to him.

We returned about 8pm or so, upon entering his room it was obvious he had had a lovely nap in our absence, which we felt was the best thing for him.He had not eaten anything though and we couldn't put our hands on Orange juice up there in the dales, none was to be found at the Vicarage as we had wanted.When I looked into his eyes all i saw was a very wearly beaten down man, and knew straight away what it would be he wanted...dad young had always wanted to keep his mind busy in hospital, here in this room, no T.V. no radio and nothing to keep his mind awake.....so I had hubby go to the car and get the music player we had picked up for Mom to have, set it next to Dad and by fate his classical CD was already in the player.The music was The Ride of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner, Hubby commented "Look Dad Your Flying through the Cloudes", which gave me a shudder....I didn't want Dad flying through the cloudes, i wanted him here with us, and firmely grounded to earth. I leant over and asked him what it was he wanted, so I could bring it to him tomorrow, his reply was very simple "I want Not To Die" " I want to get to France with you and Mam" Nervous by what he had said, I laughed it off rubbing his arm and said "you silly guy that's not what i meant, what do you need brought to you", which got no reply he had once more drifted off. He kept drifting in and out durring our whole visit, Mom Young gave him some water and then dad Young looked at her , his classical music playing in the back drop..."You Look Lovely" , he stated to her....she had just had her hair done and bought a new outfit, I know it seems odd, but something had told me she needed to dress up and look smart for him.Mom Young had always been a very top class gal, always a very Grace Kelly type aura about her.In the past few years she had seemed to give up on herself and let herself go a bit, cloths and all. So I took her to get her Make over, and she was radient that night by dad's bedside. Hubby never really said to much this night, little bits in response to things said by me was about it.I took my turn up at his head and began reading from a learn french book, I speak no french so thought I could give a dad a good chuckle before we went.He never responded to me or even looked, his eyes were as if trying to focus on something they saw but couldn't believe was there.I got uncomfortable by this look...and suggested we should go and let him rest, as by now it was 9:30 to 10pm. We got home about 11:30 or so, and went to bed by 12 midnight. 3:30 am I was woke to the phone ringing, by now hubby had driven hundreds of miles and was completely exhausted and to the point without sleep he would endanger himself if he drove.I was met by the nurses voice on the phone, it scared me to death to hear her, being in the field I am in I KNOW they don't just call you at 3:30 unless it's urgent.She stated she was simply calling to let me know ahead of time they were moving Dad back to Bishop as he had a temp and his Chest infection seemed to be back.It was her way of saying get to Bishop. I hung up the phone and relayed her info to a severly sleep deprived and beat hubby, who asked me what i thought....I told him I don't know and stated the fact to him they wouldnt just call at this hour over nothing.By this time the phone rang a second time about 4am, It was the same nurse stating the ambulance had set off and she only prayed she had sent dad away in time.I thanked her for the heads up and explained we were discussing going as my husband was honestly a danger behind the wheel at this point. We called all the siblings and explained what was going on. I kept calling Bishop to try and get any news at all, time began to mingle phone calls to and fro between us and the sister and the hospital, always getting similar news that he was serious not critical, that it would wait until hubby had napped , that dad was a very sick man but wasn't dying.Finally at just before 6am Hubby answered the phone for the very first time and he was told his father had Peripheral Cyanosis, I knew the moment I heard that there was no chance and also we could never get to him in time for good byes. i played like I didn't know the meaning of this word, so went online to learn what it meant, by the time i found anything worth reading the hospital had called and told us Dad was gone. 17 mins after arriving at Bishop he died.